the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
