HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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