the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
