i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
