Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize