i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
