All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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