That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
