Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
