I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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