He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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