I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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