Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
