I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
