He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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