I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
