Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
