you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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