i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
