Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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