I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
