A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
