his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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