No more Irish car bombs ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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