Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my poor anus
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
