i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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