Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
