New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
