So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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