Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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