I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
