community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
