I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
