oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
