A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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