Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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