Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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