she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
