is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
