he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
