My room smells like vodka and shame
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
