The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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