Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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