i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
