He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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