ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
