just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
