He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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