Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
