oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
