1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
