Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
