Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just sucked dick on a ferry
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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