What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
