Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
