Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sex in a hospital.. check
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
