just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
