sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mom said you looked used
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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