There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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