I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
