Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
