there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Semen is not good for contacts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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