after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
