True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
