Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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