you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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