Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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