if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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