I want to stick my p in your. b.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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