My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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