I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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