I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
