she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He shit in the fireplace
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
