when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
