Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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