I think my vagina is haunted
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
