Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
