i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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