did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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