Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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