please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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