I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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