Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
