i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
