3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
