Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
