11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
